Hey there, readers!
Welcome to our snarky guide to the art of petty funeral home obituaries. We all know that losing a loved one is a difficult time, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find a little bit of humor in the absurdity of it all. So, grab a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine, we’re not judging) and prepare to be entertained as we dive into the hilarious world of passive-aggressive grieving.
The Backhanded Compliment
The “They Were a Saint” Zinger
This one is a classic. It’s the obituary equivalent of saying, “They were a great person, but I’m really glad they’re dead.” Just imagine the deceased rolling their eyes in their heavenly abode as their loved ones wax poetic about their saintly nature.
The “They Were Always the Life of the Party” Bombshell
Another passive-aggressive gem, this one implies that the deceased was a bit of a handful in life. It’s like saying, “They were great fun, but we’re all relieved they’re not around to drive us crazy anymore.”
The Subtle Dig
The “They Were a Great Friend… to My Plants” Shade
This one is for those who had a strained relationship with the deceased. It’s a subtle way of saying, “They weren’t so great to me, but hey, at least they were good to my begonias.”
The “They Will Be Missed by Their Cats” Meow
This one is for cat lovers who want to passive-aggressively remind everyone that the deceased preferred their feline companions to their human ones. It’s a subtle way of saying, “They may have been a jerk to us, but at least they were good to their cats.”
The Petty Postscript
The “In Lieu of Flowers, Please Donate to the SPCA” Snark
This one is for those who want to make a statement without being too overt. It’s a subtle way of saying, “Instead of spending money on flowers, please donate to a cause that the deceased cared about.” Or, in this case, a cause the deceased clearly cared more about than their own family members.
The “They Would Have Hated This Obituary” Truth Bomb
This one is for those who want to be brutally honest. It’s a way of saying, “This obituary is terrible, but we’re publishing it anyway because we know it would drive the deceased absolutely bonkers.”
Table of Petty Funeral Home Obituary Clichés
| Cliché | Meaning |
|---|---|
| “They were a beloved member of our community” | They were annoying as hell but we’re trying to be polite |
| “They will be sadly missed by all who knew them” | We’ll miss them about as much as we miss a root canal |
| “They were always there for us when we needed them” | Except for that one time when we really needed them |
| “Their memory will live on forever” | At least until their Facebook page gets deleted |
| “They were a pillar of our community” | They went to church regularly and never missed a town council meeting |
Conclusion
Well, there you have it, readers! Our snarky guide to petty funeral home obituaries. We hope you found it as entertaining as we did. If you’re looking for more laughs, be sure to check out our other articles on the absurdity of death and dying. And remember, even in the face of loss, it’s okay to find a little bit of humor in the ridiculousness of it all. Cheers to petty funeral home obituaries!
FAQ about Petty Funeral Home Obituaries
What are petty funeral home obituaries?
Petty funeral home obituaries are obituaries that are written in a way that is intended to be humorous or sarcastic, often mocking the deceased.
Why do people write petty funeral home obituaries?
People write petty funeral home obituaries for a variety of reasons, including to get revenge on the deceased, to make fun of them, or to simply express their anger or frustration.
Are petty funeral home obituaries legal?
In most cases, petty funeral home obituaries are legal. However, there are some exceptions. For example, an obituary that is defamatory or contains false information may be illegal.
What should you do if you see a petty funeral home obituary?
If you see a petty funeral home obituary, you can do a few things. You can report it to the funeral home, the newspaper, or the Better Business Bureau. You can also write a letter to the editor of the newspaper or post a comment on the funeral home’s website.
How can you prevent petty funeral home obituaries?
There are a few things you can do to prevent petty funeral home obituaries. First, you can make sure that your will includes a provision that states that you do not want your obituary to be written in a petty or sarcastic manner. You can also talk to your family and friends about your wishes.
What are some examples of petty funeral home obituaries?
Some examples of petty funeral home obituaries include:
- “He was a loving husband, father, and grandfather. He will be missed by all who knew him, except for his ex-wife, who is glad to be rid of him.”
- “She was a kind and caring woman who always put others before herself. She will be missed by all who knew her, especially her ungrateful children.”
- “He was a successful businessman who loved to make money. He will be missed by all who knew him, especially his accountant.”
How do you deal with the pain of reading a petty funeral home obituary?
If you read a petty funeral home obituary about someone you love, it can be very painful. There are a few things you can do to cope with the pain, including:
- Talk to a therapist or counselor.
- Join a support group.
- Write a letter to the funeral home or the newspaper.
- Post a comment on the funeral home’s website.
What are the benefits of writing a petty funeral home obituary?
There are no benefits to writing a petty funeral home obituary. In fact, it can be harmful to the deceased’s family and friends.
What are the consequences of writing a petty funeral home obituary?
The consequences of writing a petty funeral home obituary can include:
- Being sued for defamation.
- Being reported to the funeral home, the newspaper, or the Better Business Bureau.
- Having your obituary removed from the funeral home’s website.